A Perfect Fit

For Foreign Service families, to be unsettled is normal. The thrill of an unknown, future adventure prevails and mitigates any discontent with the present. This is how we cope. We survive, even thrive, because we look forward.

We are many, but we are few. A fraction of a country's population that has chosen what can only be described as an awkward existence. We choose to jump in, family members in tow, without knowing what is on the other side. We show up at each new post and, like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that is placed in wrong spot, not where it ought to be but blending in enough, we fit in until we are uprooted again.

We do not have a road map, and retirement is the only final destination. We experience the world in all its grit and glory and our lives are enriched. Friends and relatives back home imagine that we are living their wildest dreams; wandering across the globe, living in fabulous homes, and meeting the world's rich and famous. We cannot deny our glamorous lifestyle; the proof is in the the pictures. Ask any of us to share photos of our travels and life overseas and you will almost certainly get a case of travel envy.

If only all that they see, were all that we endure. If only they could understand what we sacrifice for the privilege. If they could hear the stories - of families ordered, on short notice, to evacuate in the dead of night; of those still in country as Ebola spreads; of the parents of the one who got kidnapped; of the parents of the baby that came way too early; of the ones who had to leave because their mental health was deteriorating; of the one whose marriages fell apart; of the ones who have to deal with medical emergencies; or of the ones who have to lend a hand, an ear, or a shoulder to the American tourist in distress. These are the pictures we don't take.

Distance changes our relationships, creates disconnect. Loved ones cannot relate to our lifestyle. They carry on, and we feel like we are no longer on speed dial for their life's events. We miss out and wallow in our misery at what really boils down to, "out of sight, out of mind".

What we lose is made up for by what we gain. A ready made family. People who offer immediate, informed, support. They are usually co-workers, neighbors, or other parents at a child's new school. At precisely the moment you feel yourself drift from the life you've left behind, and a feeling of being lost takes over, you find yourself in the midst of a whirlwind relationship. Many of these bonds last well beyond a current post and many become friends for life. It is here, in these connections, that we find our groove. It is here that we fit.